Somewhere

Over

The

Rainbow…

 Happy advanced Halloween!

Cesc looks absolutely mortified, like “HELP ME.”

But no, he looks like that after scoring the deserved equaliser against the Liverpool that played like Bolton and Blackburn. Sliding tackles flying everywhere trying to kill the my darlinks. Nevertheless we still showed them the sweeeet passing game we produce. As usual.

Plenty of chances to kill Liverpool and grab all three points but eh, a point’s fine as long as we stay on top of the table. ^-^

Next league match, we are up against the Devils. Top of the table clash, definitely a game to watch out for.

Sadly, my other team did not share the same kind of form though. Three matches, null points. Blame the sickening referee, trashy pitch, anything under the sun, it does not change a thing. That’s what the EPL has taught me in football as well. At the end of the day, the table will not change, despite goals mistakenly disallowed, wrong penalty decisions. You feel cheated, but it does not change a thing at all. Fuck the past, move along and let’s see what we have up next.

Sadness is having my ass glued to the substitutes bench all this time while I watch them play their hearts out. Not my time yet? =/

Another thing I would want to preserve is my youth, my life right now to be precise. It does not fall under being once alive, I am currently living it and I enjoy it very much indeed. Despite some fatigue from juggling soccer amongst daily science problems and finding time for PP, I am having the time of my life and I would very much like it to stay this way. I am surrounded by great company, I am playing the beautiful game I loved since I was little and I am learning about my favourite subject matter just about every day. I think about the future and all the numerous potential problems that come with the responsibility of being an adult leap out at me. Education for future career takes many years, probable leaving of the country for education and subsequently, little or even no time for soccer with my fantastic team which could lead to estrangement. I could think further and think of more problems, mainly financial and basically handling the cost of living in this country, including living too long. I cannot think of a time in the future that I would probably have a better time than I have right now. However, life always goes on and I have to face the future no matter how morbid I make it out to be right now. Time stops for no one, least of all me and so the most I can do is to enjoy it the best I can right now, while it lasts.

I got in the 22, but the real thing has only just started, what we have been training so insanely hard for.

Mmm…

On the other hand…

Let’s see.

Top of the table a.k.a. everyone else is below us? Check.

Unbeaten, 10 games, 9 won 1 drawn? Check.

RVP grabbing match-winners in the last three matches? Yuppie-do-dah-day.

Doing great, guys!

Things started going down starting from the beep test. I didn’t manage to reach level 6, after Ahad pulled me out wrongly and put me back in again. I’m not too fazed about that, I know I could have reached level 6 without the interruption. No big deal, except the next time round, the target is set at level 8. Goodness.

Tuesday was the match against Queensway Sec.

I didn’t get picked to play. =/

Even though Faz’s first choice of the back four (yes, it’s obvious now) had walking injured in the positions I played in. She wanted to dispose of over-reliance on the bench by having most of the team play the full 90 minutes. Fair enough, so there isn’t much to say except that I’m not good enough for the first team yet. It is not a pleasant feeling, being left out of the entire game. Even though the conditions were bad, pitch was still waterlogged and the heat from the sun was unbearable, even from the bench. It is also the first game I haven’t played in. But I will put my trust in Faz’s post-match words. I will continue being committed and dedicated but I will have to show my improvement. And when picked, I will have to prove my worth. I will make sure these are not empty words.

Anyway, score was 1-1 and Nas had a brilliant second half. (:

And boots dah rosak. I need new boots soon.

Today, I wake up, log in to LEO and find Cherry is no more my Med Tech facilitator. Grumbles. I hope it changes back before school starts in *sheesh* five days time.

On an unrelated note altogether, I have been sucked into watching House M.D. Some medical drama with an entertaining asshole of a doctor. =]

EDIT: I kope-d this quote from Mary’s blog.

“Football is like life, it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.” -Vince Lombardi

Okay, so she didn’t state who said it but I google-d the quote and got that name. Instantly, I thought “Who the hell is Vince Lombardi?” for my knowledge of football personalities failed me. I wiki-ed Vince Lombardi and found myself laughing out loud.

He was an American football coach. Yep, not the football I play, but that football which allows all players on the pitch to use their hands.

However, I believe that the quote does apply to my kind of football. I actually like the quote and maybe one day, I shall write a RJ-style post on the quote.

I’ve had my long day of rest and I have been reflecting upon myself since. No credit to the balls-y workshop, I’ve been reflecting on myself since secondary school. It may not always be positive but still, it’s reflection. So anyway, I found myself lacking in the confidence department. It was five-a-side and Faz was feeding balls from one of the flanks. I was playing on that flank and she would only give the ball to those who asked for it. So I did, but I kept losing the damned ball in every imaginable way. After coming through so far, I’m really not one to give up but just then, I really felt, “Don’t give the ball to me, I’ll only lose it.” Yeah, so I called less for the ball.

Looking back, I think, “Wow, what a loser.”

A loser to have given up on calling for the ball. I should have known better, really. Every ball given is a chance to shine. If I fuck up, I should just ask for another chance to make up for it. So I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll have to keep on trying when I fuck things up. (:

I liked the second workshop. I made myself look like such a geek just because I knew what my own injury was and what Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness was. I just read up on things that happen to me, that’s all. I’m really not that encyclopaedic. At best, I just know something about everything but not everything about something. Means that I do alright with general knowledge but not that good with details. I sought a definitive cure for my chronic but on-off injury from the Workshop Guy and all he recommended was stretches and massages. =/ Oookaaaay..

IMO. The first workshop was not really successful. All it did was provide an opportunity for underlying feelings to be expressed honestly. I did not buy into the whole hypnosis thing. I’m not saying the tears Fana shed were fake. But it was all based on instruction, if you tell a person to think real hard about the saddest moment of her life, obviously emotions will spill. This Workshop Guy (different from above) had the most annoying voice and chose the most annoying words to use. He was so obviously trying to tap on the guilt of those who were skeptical about the whole thing. He could have ignored those non-participative ones but no, he had to say something about some having a heart of stone and saying it’s okay if you don’t participate. Balls to you, manipulative hypno-man.

If you must know, I don’t think I have a heart of stone. It totally melted when so many of them started crying. I’m just good at keeping emotions in check. Irna says I keep things to myself, I know that, and upon some pondering I realise it is probably the reason why I won’t let my negative emotions spill that easy. When I think back, I feel bewildered now when I remember I cried when Arsenal played in the Champions League final in May last year. That bloody match made me cry tears of joy and sadness both. Of joy, when we took the lead after Lehmann got sent off (the bugger.), and of sadness when we lost it in the final 20 minutes. “They fought so valiantly!” I remember thinking.

Selections for Poly-ITE are underway and oh man, I know they are picking 22 but still.. can’t help feeling like a unworthy candidate, you know? Perhaps I need to display a flash of brilliance or something, yeah? Not only to convince Faz, but myself too. Convince myself I’m good enough. I have this quote I can’t quite remember where I got from, probably heard from the telly and paraphrased by me, it goes “Apart from practice, what’s important is the belief in yourself.” Well, I need to find that belief soon. (:

I’m sitting here in my oversized 2004-2005 Arsenal jersey with the white Umbro shorts that came with our Republic jersey. I feel so Arsenal! I’ll tuck the jersey into my shorts and pull on some red socks and I’m ready to play for Arsenal! =D

He scored again while I was away at camp! O Rosicky, what a face!

So the camp has been made out to be extremely intensive and mentally taxing, but under the feelings of fear and anxiety on the surface, I actually am looking forward to it, even to the extent of being excited. It’s like, for lack of a better metaphor, an Ah Beng asking to settle whatever is it outside/in the toilet.

“COME AH!”

Like that. (:

Speaking of the camp, after Nas mentioned it, I’m thinking of bringing along my poofy pillow. Obviously, for a better nights’ sleep on the hard floor of the Agora hall which gave me stiff shoulders the during last camp.

A defensive midfielder. I like that I can look up to Arsenal no. 19 Gilberto Silva. I was surprised someone else could see me in that position. Apart from defense, that is the only other position I am probably able to play. See, the DM can offer cover for the defense when the centerback or fullbacks go on the attack. Unfortch, it’s not a time to change the general gameplan we’ve had all this while and therefore no place for a defensive midfielder for now. Maybe, in the future.. For now, I’ll be glad to just be played. Heh, just like when no.16 Mathieu Flamini was being played LB and RB although he naturally is a DM. (:

On another Arsenal note, good win over Manchester City! ZOMG. I tell you, Kaspar Schmeichel is a bloody damn hard nut to crack can? He saved RVP’s penalty and 29439857 other shots on goal! But of course, someone had to emerge triumphant and, ahem no surprise there cheh! cheh! Arsenal took all three points, with a superb top-corner goal by Cesc Fabregas, courtesy of Hleb’s selfless pass although he could have a crack at goal from that position. Ah, so logically, Arsenal are better than Man Utd because they beat Man City, which beat Man Utd the week before..

Alright, training tomorrow. Good night.

I typed the answer and was going to click the send button when I remembered:

I’d have to get a bloody plane ticket to get there.

Too good to be true. Probably thought the Emirates was at Jalan Besar or something.

Maybe next time.

Ohnono. Definitely next time. I will definitely go to watch a match live someday

• finished the best book series in the universe
• joined endless discussions about the best book series in the universe
• fallen in love with a dead fictional character from above-mentioned series
• found many songs that relate to said fictional character’s plight
• found out camels can get floppy humps
• bought black shoes
• changed my wallpaper twice
• had two days of fantastic sleep
• had three days of one-hour sleep
• had my cursed eczema rashes flare up again; wtf. Fugly shit on my legs. Go’way.
• had my hair tied in public
• watched three movies in the theatre
• watched several more on my laptop; 300, I like. SPAAARTAAAAAAAA!!!!
• went for usual trainings; clocked 12.56 for seven rounds of the field. AWRIGHT!
• helped out at a worthless event with no reaping in return (namely, CE points)
• played a few matches
• played in a tournament with dreadful organizers
• played striker; o_O I didn’t impress. I felt like it was PT.
• missed Baybeats
• missed a penalty ><

Well, well, well. I have just made this a nonsense post as well.

(:

Sad yet unnecessary soccer musings after the jump. /:

Something quite mountain-out-of-a-molehill-ly and really no one’s fault but my own.

I feel a little heartbroken that I try my best and yet.. I don’t feel like I’m seriously improving. I reek of mediocrity and perform, not lousy, but just not impressive enough to be noticed. If you photoshopped me out of any game we played, you probably couldn’t spot the difference. I feel sad to be segregated from the ‘better’ ones and yet I know it is because I have not had any notable performances. I take the trainings seriously, I come for every single training except on that one occasion but alas, it obviously isn’t enough.

I just cannot perform. Why? I have practised the skills in training, all I need to do is apply and bear in mind a few simple things like clearing to the sides and to watch my defense line. Is too easy! But no, I cannot find the composure to execute those skills. Without that composure I am worthless to the team. Not freaking out is something I will have to work on then. I have to keep my cool so I can contribute to the build-up play instead of losing it, be it the ball or my mind. Ball control too. I have to get the ball to love me. Right now, I’m being rejected. It hurts. ahhaha..

It’s hard not to feel jealous envious of those who can execute the skills and yet come less often for trainings.

And about being serious, I suppose I have pushed people away from me, or least those I haven’t interacted much with. It became apparently obvious to me today when I swore at myself for a bloody mis-kick I should not be allowing to happen after how many months of training, and Joey came to tell me to ‘take it easy’. I responded like an idiot. Sorry Joey, my bad. I hope you understand that I’m pushing myself so I will be considered to be good enough for poly-ITE. I won’t, I refuse to take it easy until I reach that level I desire.

I’m afraid that I may develop a serious injury. I’ve been in denial about it and keep thinking that it is the result of muscles that are not strengthened and that if I keep training it will go away. I am afraid that it will put me out of action if I continue at this intensity. The soleus muscle is what is being strained and it is in the mid-calf, just below the chunky calf muscle. I feel it hampering my jumping, turning and sprinting. Strain, I can live with, but if progresses to torn? I don’t even want to think about it. So far from what I have read on the internet, it is an overuse injury and that I should run on soft and even surface. HA. The exact opposite of that blasted field. It also says Pain may increase with loading and even worse when walking on ‘tiptoe’. Oh man. ‘On your toes’ huh. The degree of pain varies from time to time and today was bad. How can I make it go away without comprising training?

Today saw the first string, that means the likely first eleven, pit against whoever that is left really. Oh, as leftovers, we did good under instruction from Coach and uh, Alex. We managed to hold them off, only conceding one goal, but alas, I couldn’t impress as striker today despite the chances. First time up front, of course. Perhaps if I could have performed good, seeing as the team seriously lacks a striker with a good predatory instinct, I could be moved up to unofficial first eleven, as striker. But no, I pretty much sucked at striker. Very lost indeed. Like Jay Chou in Harry Potter world. heh. However, with all that insane sprinting from the half-way line several times, my stamina held up pretty well. I reckon I still could have gone on for another half, maybe?

And Nas? Don’t say you’re possessed. It’s all you and you’re pretty damned good.

Feels good to have that all thrown up. Here’s wishing me all the best.

Oh, and Happy National Day. Or Propaganda Day. Whichever it is to you.

Never had much love for the country unless it involved a soccer match.

I’m hopeful. ^-^

Season starts 11 August.

I failed you guys. I should not have underestimated that ‘keeper.

Learn from mistakes, I will.

=) I want.